Cage
by write4evr
Summary: I nodded at my reflection. We'd come to an agreement, the girl in the mirror and I. We'd both pretend to like what we saw looking back at us.
1. If You Look In The Mirror

_**If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out firsthand what it's like to be me.**_

It is so ridiculous to try and be something I'm not. Something that, wish all I want and try all I may, I will never be. Something so stupid, that telling someone what I want would be pointless.

Girl. Girl, girl, you are a _girl, _I told myself as I held a tiny mirror close to my face. You name is Isabelle, and you are _clearly _a girl. Get that through your thick head!

But, no. Boy. I'm a boy. I'm _not _a girl. I examined my face in the mirror. I looked like a girl. But did looks matter? Because I really wasn't one. I couldn't be one, and convincing myself that I was, after only just coming to terms with the fact that I _wasn't, _was not working. Not at all. It was like there was a mind block up…I couldn't make myself pretend to be something I wasn't, but isn't that what I'd been doing all along?

I stared into my own dark, blue eyes. My breath was fogging up the corners of the mirror every time I exhaled, and I leaned forward so I could fog up the whole thing. Then I sat back and examined the outline I saw there. Though the person in the reflection could be either male or female, as the fog slowly faded away, I expected to see a boy there when it was gone. A boy who would look a lot like…well, Alec, probably.

But when the fog was gone, a girl still looked back at me. A girl who had tied her hair up, because no one had wanted her to cut it, and a girl who had bound her breasts and put on a baggy t-shirt, but a girl nonetheless.

It was time to stop pretending. Time to except it. This is how I was born. This is the body I was given. Despite what I thought I was between the ears, everyone saw me as a girl. Because that's what I am.

It's time to stop with the games, and except that. I nodded at my reflection. We'd come to an agreement, the girl in the mirror and I. We'd both pretend to like what we saw looking back at us. We'd stop thinking we were something we're not.

Still nodding, I snapped the mirror shut. That was that, I suppose.

**Yeah. I dunno. It looked longer and better on paper. But what can be done? **

**Anyway, I confused **_**myself **_**with this, so, in case you don't get it—I was trying to show Isabelle as transgender. No, that would never actually happen, but…**

**This is **_**fanfiction. **_**I can do whatever I want ^-^**

**LOVE YALL.**


	2. I'm So Tired

_**I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears…**_

**Chapter Two**

I wish I'd never left the denial stage. I wish I could deny it, blow it off, and throw on a cute little dress without a second thought. I wish I hadn't ever begun to think about what my male name would be, because now, that's what I'll call myself. 'Isabelle' has become a stranger's name. I wish I hadn't gone completely insane and hacked all of my hair off (it had looked _awful, _and I'd had to run out early to get a hair dresser to fix it and make it look presentable. Alec and Jace simply thought that this was a new way of rebelling, which is probably what they'd think of the _whole thing_).

I want to feel right in myself again, or, as right as I had before all of this had been no more but a 'what if', a faint thought in the back of my mind that was easily brushed off. Because, I am Isabelle Lightwood. I was born a girl, and raised a girl.

I. Am. A. Girl.

I'd feel dumb talking to anyone about this because it's all a lie. Thinking that I am transgender is stupid, talking about it makes it a lie.

I. Never. Was. And. Never. Will. Be.

There is no Ian. There never was. There never will be.

I. Am. Not. A. Boy.

I'm just an idiot. I'm an attention whore who just likes the drama that came with this whole idea.

It. Was. Dumb.

I will stop with the baggy clothes. I will grow my hair out. I will wear makeup again. I will no longer refer to myself as a 'he'. I will not call myself Ian.

…But that's all a lie in itself, isn't it?

***bounces* Why, look at that. I managed to make this chapter shorter than the first…and worse than the first. Like a boss, plz.**

**Anyway…yerp. I wanted to play around with this some more, so, I took something I wrote down just yelling at myself and altered the HELL out of it, and got this.**

**Yerp derp. Love yall.**

**~Kenzie**


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